I think we’ve all come to terms with the fact that men are beyond useless when it comes to communication, hence the ridiculous failure rate in relationships. Given my less than impressive relationship histories, I’m one of the last people whose advice can be taken seriously, but there are a few phrases guys can utter, phrases which I’m convinced could change the course of most bent relationships. I know for sure these expressions would’ve saved boyfriend number 1 many violent screaming matches, saved number 3 his mom’s prized China and spared number 4 the cost of replacing four busted tyres! In case you were wondering; Number 2 didn't was a broke ass who didn't have anything of value for me to trash, and number 5’s worst nightmare is well under construction, I'll make him wish I'd burnt his manhood!
This is the musshy stuff I yearned for my companions to tell me:
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| It's obvious who the dickhead is here! |
I think we’ve all come to terms with the fact that men are beyond useless when it comes to communication, hence the ridiculous failure rate in relationships. Given my less than impressive relationship histories, I’m one of the last people whose advice can be taken seriously, but there are a few phrases guys can utter, phrases which I’m convinced could change the course of most bent relationships. I know for sure these expressions would’ve saved boyfriend number 1 many violent screaming matches, saved number 3 his mom’s prized China and spared number 4 the cost of replacing four busted tyres! In case you were wondering; Number 2 didn't was a broke ass who didn't have anything of value for me to trash, and number 5’s worst nightmare is well under construction, I'll make him wish I'd burnt his manhood!
This is the musshy stuff I yearned for my companions to tell me:
Say it dammit!
1. I'd like for you to say thank you at least once or twice when I do something nice for you when I didn’t have to, it might save you a night on the couch (which my cat, Ginger pees on!)
2. If it’s obvious we’re in a relationship hows about you stop introducing me as your friend, huh? How would you like it if I introduced you as my 27 year old brother who abuses his privilege to be stupid?
3. Tell me I look beautiful every so often, stop pretending like you have a problem with having a smashing girlfriend!
4. I want to know that I’m an important factor in your life, planning a wedding and the rest of our lives takes way more time than you think!
2. If it’s obvious we’re in a relationship hows about you stop introducing me as your friend, huh? How would you like it if I introduced you as my 27 year old brother who abuses his privilege to be stupid?
3. Tell me I look beautiful every so often, stop pretending like you have a problem with having a smashing girlfriend!
4. I want to know that I’m an important factor in your life, planning a wedding and the rest of our lives takes way more time than you think!
5. You’ve wronged me, how difficult is it to say you’re sorry, you very tiny bastard?!
That’s all I wanted to hear, dunno about the rest of the female population, but hearing those words would've doused my demented alter ego and made a helluva difference in how my relationships ended!
| See how easy life can be with Jane Doe? |
Hope the guys have taken note and heed the call!
Jane Doe
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