How to look good half-naked

Perfection personified

‘Tis the season to get wet and wild boys and girls and what else best epitomises a South African summer than lazy pool parties with a steak or two on the griddle (you catch my drift?!) Ladies, I’m certain those beach bodies are ready to be donned in swimwear that justifies the winter starvation we went through (I’m not the only one, right?) and guys, well *cough, cough*… you’d best be ready to fill out them Speedos!

I bring to you the hottest swimwear trend right off the catwalks…

                             

                        1.       The classic two-piece bikini

You're sure to never go wrong in this number!

                   2.       The monokini

TAKE NOTE: The monokini is reserved for those brave stars who worked their asses off during the freezing winter months. This is my dedication to you! 

3.       The tankini



It's good to know you can still look good even if you cheated and scoffed like a mongrel.



4.       The (won’t go away) one-piece!


·         NO IMAGES FOUND! (I won’t be held responsible for your backward nature)


REMEMBER: Some swimwear is not to swim in but best reserved for sundowners at the deck coz really ladies, nobody wants this…

I don't care how hot you get under the African sun, under no fucking circumstances should this happen!
"NNNNOOOOOO"

That’s it; I’ve given you the gist, now it’s up to you to blow the socks off that bastard who didn’t appreciate a smashing woman when he had one...
 

He he he he he he...TAKE THAT, you pathetic douche bag

Let there be style...

Jane Doe